Captain and Coaches Bios
Brandon “Btran” “TrannyB” Tran, Grim Beaver Captain
Hiding under a goofy grin and a lack of general knowledge before 2012 lies the sole player of MIT ultimate… on the days he isn’t injured. Literally the equivalent of fifteen regular players, “iso tran” actually indicates that every other player on the field should join the sidelines while Btran single-handedly scores the game-winning goal, layout D’ing any teammates that try to steal his glory. With the calves of The Hulk, the eyes of a hawk, and the bladder of a 30 year old pregnant woman, Brandon is truly a menace on the field. In the huddle, he’s been known to pull a hammy or two from the physical exertion of Ue’s sick cheers. Overall, he’s got more confidence and charisma than any captain Grim has ever seen, as well as markedly less sobriety. Truly a foundation of MIT Ultimate, the only reason our team even exists is to get him the disc.
Thomas “Tommy” Avila, Grim Beaver Captain
Thomas is the unofficial superman of the team, or so he thinks. No one has yet told him that humans can’t actually fly. Regardless of whether the ground is snow or concrete, or whether the disc is 5 or 50 feet away, Thomas’s firey hate for the ground leads him to spend as much time horizontal as he can. The basketball courts at Brandeis University are still crying from when Thomas’ abnormally large pecs smashed into them over and over. On the rare occasions that he’s not on the ground, you can usually find him hucking bombs or paying people to fly for him.
Joel “Joel-O” Brooks, Grim Beaver Captain
Joel comes from a long family line of Olympic bodybuilders. But when it became evident that he couldn’t bench the bar, or even lift a shotput, he decided to throw discs instead. Currently a 4th-year grad student, Joel brings to the table a wealth of experience, a sick Pokémon hat, quick-hitting handler movement, and the ability to scale vertical walls. As captain and the team’s oldest member, his grandfatherly presence keeps all the damn kids in line. He is also featured prominently in a deadly and feared O-line scheme, known simply as the “Joel-O” (jo-EL-o).
Gil “Sir Gilgamesh von Goldenshlager” Goldshlager, Grim Beaver Assistant Captain
Sir GIlgamesh von Goldenshlager, first of his name, slayer of the mighty Lord Axistron, keeper of the Blades of Fury, née Gilligan McGillicutty III, bearer of the Hammer of Justice and claimant to the Wheel of Fire, needs no introduction. Capable of every break throw known to ultimate and several others, his inside breaks are as deadly as the fiery breath of the dragons he defeats. He is also a master of disguise, known even to conceal himself in the color of the opposing team to sow discord in their ranks.
Jonathan “k Ue” Uesato, Woodmunchers Captain
Jonathan Uesato has mastered the art of stealing cheers from our women’s team. But as a punishment for his utter inability to come up with even a single original cheer, Ue has been demoted from the prestigious role of cheer captain to a mere regular captain. Instilling fear in our opponents with his enormous vocal chords and somewhat less enormous stature, Ue can usually be found sitting in class playing with a disc while dreaming of one day inventing a cheer all by himself.
Garrison “Sideburns” Snyder, Woodmunchers Captain
The loudest and least intelligible freshman on the Wood Munchers, Garrison was a natural choice for Woodmunchers captain. Though the things that come out of his mouth may not make sense to you, him, or anybody else, he sure does know how to hype up a team. That and sky fools all day long. If he ever finds his way back from his recent reconnaissance mission to Missouri, we’re confident that he will lead his team to glorious victory.
Axis “Lord Axistron” Sivitz, Coach
While he is known to the frisbee community as the “second fastest man in Ultimate,” he will forever be known to us as “that guy who throws blade-y hucks to no one in particular.” He hasn’t quite figured out that if he uses both hands, he can actually count to seven. In his free time, he works on his upcoming iOS release, “Brigade Button,” the sequel to the wildly successful “Button Brigade.”
Dory “Dory“ Ziperstein, Coach
The only Grim coach who knows how to count to seven, Dory has been a great recent addition to our team. She brings years of experience playing on the Boston elite team, Brute Squad, where she is known to magically turn into an amazing juggler when drunk. Though normally extremely supportive of everyone on the team, she inexplicably refuses to partake in our post-tourney “rituals.” It’s rumored that she once told someone on our team that they threw a nice backhand, but we all suspect the rumors are false.
MIT Grim Beaver Bios
William “Willy” Li, Grim Beaver Treasurer
Known only as the terror of the deep, Will Li instills fear in the hearts and minds of his opponents the moment he picks up a disc. As a veteran handler, Li orchestrates the offense like a true puppeteer. This kid is a robot, a machine. He can even tell exactly where the disc will land as it leaves your hand. Probably because he’s in the process of kicking it to the ground.
Brandon “Big Nads” Nadres
Coming in at a mere 5 feet, Nads is easy to overlook, or possibly mistake for a young child. As “The One Percent” of Ultimate, Brandon holds over 99% of the skill on any given team. Born and bred into Ultimate, he holds a throwing clinic every time he takes to the field, schooling any mark foolish enough to think they can take him. So basically, anyone with a pulse. Most often hated by plebes for defrauding other teams of points on the field and ladies off the field, Brandon puts the cash in Ke$ha and shows why they say good things come in small packages.
Jonathan “Lambchops” Lambert
A wolf in wolf’s clothing it is uncertain why people bother to man cover J-lam. He once tormented a poor boy in Germany by dressing up as a wolf and then running away whenever the boy went to go get help. Heisenberg was first known to develop his uncertainty principle after being asked to guard J-lam and realizing it is mathematically impossible. The Flash, Quicksilver, Road Runner and Speedy Gonzalez all have tried and failed to cover him. Other teams insist that he wear weights during games to give their players the illusion of it being fair.
Alex “Flapjacks” Jackson
There is only one thing you need to know about Alex: he consists of raw speed. Alex once spent an entire summer training in the grasslands of Africa just so he could race against wild gazelle. He plays the role of the Red Baron for MIT Ultimate. Simply put, he rules the skies. Some say his sick vertical is a direct result of his complete refusal to eat vegetables, and that he actually has two sets of knees to get more ups. All we know is that he once needed a lawyer to defend him from all the dudes he skied in Atlanta.
Hao “Haoie” Shen, Grim Beaver Ladies Man
Haoie has by far the highest chill to pull ratio of anyone on the team. He’s almost as smooth with a disc as he is with the ladies, and almost as skilled with the ladies as he is at Starcraft. The highest APM handler on the team, he’ll beat you on a give even as he throws a no-look backhand straight through your Nexus and into the crowd of adoring girls awaiting him in the endzone. Formidable both upfield and with a disc in hand, Haoie has no mercy, no regrets, and no weakness except for the state of New Jersey. As anyone who has attempted to play defense against him can testify, no mere Terran has ever managed to successfully shut down Hao Shen. Legend has it that one time, he dove for a disc.
Harrison “Hairybabe” Okun
Straight out of the state of New Jersey, Harrison is immune to the mystical bug that repeatedly infects the rest of his team. This incredulous strength is marked in his playstyle as well. His fierceness results in many layouts which make up for the fact that he has no idea where his man is. Despite his inability to make it to practices due to severe, chronic cases of “soreness”, his occasional appearance is marked by the fear in his defenders’ eyes. At tournaments, Hokun comes up with big plays at big times. Swag.
Jonathan “Jabbott” Abbott
A mysterious one indeed. He is the only unicycle-juggling, jazz trumpeter, mechanical engineering ultimate player to have ever existed on the MIT ultimate team. Claiming to be working on various projects at times, one can only believe that his speed is derived from a secret shoe project. The only member of MIT ultimate to ever ask Axis for more running, he sometimes runs laps around the field instead of clearing to the breakside because playing the game isn’t tiring enough for him.
Tony “Master and Commander” Broll
Well, every team needs an alcoholic, and Tony far surpasses the expectations in this role. But don’t let your guard down. Even in his drunken stupor he will out-run you, out-jump you, and then out-sing you. As a literal Sub Captain, he is an expert in strategy on the turf, not that he really needs it to run you up and down the field. Always hard-working, Tony is often the guy who keeps us afloat when we need it the most.
JJ “Thomas Jr.” File
A newcomer to the team. JJ has quickly made a name for himself as a defensive monster. Once, someone tried tell JJ that some discs just can’t be caught, but Thomas quickly dissuaded him of that notion. After a game, this kid never has anything left in his tank, which is unfortunate for him since, being from New Jersey, he never learned to how to fill a tank back up. It is rumored that JJ once just barely lost to a cheetah in a footrace, and that the cheetah is currently indicted under allegations of the use of performance enhancing drugs.
Richard “Yip Yip … Hooray!” Yip
From the inner depths of the Hood, Richard dropped out of high school a year early as he could not finish his class requirements. After making a living for himself at one of the biggest computer companies in the world, he eventually came back because he missed his golden days of sprinting around catching discs. Upon arriving, his passion rekindled and he fought the pain and survived the rain to get to where he is today. Since dropping his meal plan and instead subsisting only on stairs, ladders, and the occasional Russian twist, Richard has become a beast to be reckoned with. On the field, the sound of his monstrous footsteps is only drowned out by the cheers of “Yip Yip!… Hooraaaay!” whenever he scores. Off the field, he’s also famous for skiing into inanimate objects.
Michael “Silent but Deadly” Wu
As Mike once said, “ “. That’s the sound you’ll hear as he brushes by you for the goal. Secretly a ninja from 15th century Japan, he epitomizes the term “silent but deadly”. Think you can take Mike Wu deep? Think again. Mike Wu ain’t nobody to huck with. Whenever a disc is up, like a killer bee, he’ll swarm. We bring him to the games, and he brings the ruckus, so protect ya neck.
Solan “Salon” Megerssa
Hello, ladies. Look at the disc. Now back to Solan.. now back at the disc. Now back to Solan. Sadly, he isn’t there, but if you stopped reading these bios, you might be able to catch up to him. Look down, back up, where is he? He’s already gone to get the disc and thrown it again. What’s in his hand? The disc. He has it, you’re nowhere to be found. Look again, the disc is gone. Anything is possible when your man smells like Solan Megerssa and not a lady. He’s on a horse.
MIT Woodmunchers Roster
|Aaron Lin||Fr||Still trying to figure out how to get to Missouri|
|Bobby Weber||Fr||Captain of teh MIT Alpine Skiing|
|Cesar Guerrero||Fr||Refuses to keep his hair a normal color|
|Dylan Morgan||Ju||His sleep schedule is the perfect RNG|
|Garrison Snyder||Fr||Currently in Missouri looking for Dorst|
|Jonathan Replogle||G||Probably running a gel right now|
|Jonathan Uesato||So||First original cheer will be ready by alumni weekend|
|Kai Xiao||Fr||Still recovering from a half a gallon of strawberry milk|
|Kevin Dorst||G||Currrently MIA in Missouri|
|Kevin Li||Jr||More D|
|Kevin Lu||Fr||More Dew|
|Odin Achorn||G||Skis like the wind|
|Paolo Gentili||So||BTran's injury-prone protégé|
|Sammy Luo||Fr||Balls so hard|
|Steven Hao||Fr||Specializes in no-look thumbers|
|Steen Homberg||So||Munching wood|
|Vahid Fazel-Resai||Fr||Only freshman that can sky Ajacks every time|